Having Your Parents Move in with You

One of the options when a loved one needs more support and supervision and can no longer live alone is to have them move into your home. Living with a parent will change the dynamics of family roles, and these changes can be difficult for all involved. Facing these changes honestly and making a decision based on an acceptance of what it will mean will make the process much smoother.

• Determine your ease with becoming your loved one’s primary decision maker and authority figure
• Be prepared for your loved one to resist theses changes and the loss of their independence
• Allow for some negotiations, compromises, and other ways to make it a win-win situation
• Decide and agree upon what you expect in terms of helping around the house or compensation
• Discuss with your spouse and children what their roles will be before moving a loved on in

Lifestyle compatibility could be an unexpected challenge. Sleeping cycles, eating patterns, and daily activities may need to be adjusted.

• Discuss ahead of time bed times and sleeping habits of everyone in the house. Discuss mealtimes and food choices.
• If smoking and/or drinking are issues, clarify your expectations.
• Consider how you can allow your loved one to have social contact outside of the home, including maintaining friendships and congregation ties.
• Will your loved one be fully integrated into the family’s activities and social life? What about vacations?
• How will the daily activity of your home affect your elderly loved one?

THE LOSS OF TIME

Caregiving is a job, and will require a significant amount of time, just as your job does.

• Write out a list of the activities you will need to have your loved one depend on you. Take into consideration making medical appointments, transportation to and from appointments, hairstylists, etc.
• Make an honest evaluation if you will need to adjust your present work schedule to accommodate these activities
• Determine the financial, career, health insurance and retirement benefits implications of adjusting your work hours
• Factor in time with your family apart from your loved one
• Consider the reduced time you will have for yourself, your personal interests and hobbies
• Understand that caregiving can be exhausting work
• Plan for some “respite” time to insure you have some time to yourself

PREPARING YOUR HOME

Your home may need adaptations to make it safe for an elderly loved one. Older adults with mobility or vision problems may require addition changes, and while these need not be expensive, may take time to plan and implement.

• Evaluate your home for privacy for all involved
• Consider whether your child must give up a room, and the effect that will have on them
• Remember that an aging adult should not have to navigate stairs everyday
• Disabilities or mobility problems, wheelchairs, walkers and other stabilization devices will necessitate assistive devices in the bathrooms
• Consider what you will do if your loved one begins to wander. Can you safely lock doors and windows?
• Examine your home for dangling cords, toxins, slippery surfaces, unsteady chairs, rugs that may shift, and other hazards
• Remember that older adults will require a warmer temperature. Adjust the thermostats and consider the increase in utility bills
• Take your pets into consideration. It is their home too. Will you need to consider allergies? How will they react to having a new person in the home?

These are a few basic considerations to keep in mind when contemplating moving your elderly loved one into your home. Despite the problems, it can be a rewarding experience to be a caregiver to a loved one and share your home. Understanding the challenges, and making a decision based on realistic expectations will make the process easier for everyone.